Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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