he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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