But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
