I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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