i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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