dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
