I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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