He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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