Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
