Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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