i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
