Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
