what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My pussy is not your playground.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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