wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
