Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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