She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
