Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it hurts more in the daytime
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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