I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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