I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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