Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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