guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
