i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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