I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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