How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Green mimosas i think yes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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