So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
