ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
