That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
