I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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