alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
