Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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