So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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