After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
