in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
