Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
