im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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