No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So squirting runs in the family.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
