Whod you bang
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
