I hate all girls vehemently.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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