Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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