Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
