i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Boobs speak an international language.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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