yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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