So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
