she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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