What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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