Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
