Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
