can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
