Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
