having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
