ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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