So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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