I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
