I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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