OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
