i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
