don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
