Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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