guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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