Can Purell be used as lube?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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