hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
