I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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