would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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