Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
