He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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