come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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