I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
