just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The Olympian is in my bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
