Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
