She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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