I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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