i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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