I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
