I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize