Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Less talking, more tequila
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
